The long awaited DVD that I’ve been chirping about for so long is now truthfully, 90% to completion. The stamps for the cover are being picked up tomorrow, the DVD is being duplicated, the inside jacket is being printed, if not already done, all the supplies are ready to roll and all it takes now is a good day to put it all together. Life is good when the finish line is in sight.
Who would have thought that my timeline from 1 month turned into 6. I thought I’d be done before Christmas so I could give them out as gifts! Then again, I wasn’t exactly loosing sleep each night trying to complete it. I’ll be honest, a large part of what took so long was my procrastination, but taking that further, it was my insecurity. I mean, c’mon, who likes to hear their own voice being recorded. “You mean I sound like that? ew, gross.” I couldn’t stand hearing myself say “stretch you right arm up towards the sky and take 3 deep breathes” over and over again from all the retakes because I either said the left arm instead of the right, or I coughed, or I didn’t like my adolescent, bordering young adult voice.
It’s also hard to look back at a video recording of some of my poses because in my head, it could always be better. I would change that pose for that one, or I would have stretched that muscle further in that direction and so forth and so forth. “Should I videotape it all over again? Will anyone notice that mistake? I think its good, its good enough, right?”
So you can probably see why I might have taken a lot longer time creating this DVD. 1) I’m a perfectionist and nothing is ever good enough, and so to escape the inevitable paradox trying to be perfect but unable to be instead of confronting it, 2) I procrastinate by going to a yoga class, followed by lunch with a friend, go have a coffee while browsing my desktop to look for nothing and then take a well deserved nap.
I guess I could go on and on and you’d could probably recommend a book for me to read to solve my Father-Son complex of not feeling enough, but remember, I’m a perfectionist, I’ve likely read it already! DESPITE all of the psychological poop that runs through my head, I’ve gotten lots of great feedback and recognition and I can honestly say that I’m very proud of what I’ve created. This is a product that I stand by because it really is an expression of my who I am. The creative process in bringing this DVD into fruition has surprised and continually excites me as it comes closer and closer to completion.
I mean yes, those thoughts I described were there, but I think its natural to want to hold back when something is created that exposes who you are to vulnerability and uncertainty. For me its no different than art or expressing love, there will be people who like it and there will be people who love you and there will be people who just plain don’t, and that’s okay because the process of putting myself out there, like teaching yoga, is not about my insecurity anymore, its expressing myself with the intention to connect with you and to give you something that might put a shiny sticker on your life. Who knows what could happen? I just know there’s bigger things than myself and I choose to overcome my sense of lack in pursuit of that.
When I made it okay for my DVD, succeedingly life as well, to not have to be perfect, sh*t started getting good. I mean, its kinda like not having to feel awkward anymore about whether I should somehow address someone farting in a class by making a joke because its a natural thing for people to do. I have the freedom now to wind-release my imperfections on life because its natural to make mistake and its no reason to be embarrassed. Perhaps the flow of life and our bowel system are mutually related, which is why fibre is so highly recommended, especially when life gets kinda sh*tty. (bad joke, I’ll end it here)