I sometimes feel like a kid who’s just downed his mother’s coffee. Jumping from one thing to another. When’s my next lesson, what should I be doing now, who am I meeting up with this week, I need to eat, I need to wake up, I need to rest, which Christmas party am I going to this week?
And from that, the feeling of presence so easily fades like tumbled washed jeans. Why is it so difficult to sit alone and do nothing? Presence can be so fragile like a spider web. The slightest disturbance and the matrix has to be rebuilt all over again. Its something that’s so precious and subtle and delicate that the preservation of it takes so much care and consciousness.
As cobwebs cannot be recreated by human hand (from what I know), presence cannot be recreated from the mind. For me, its the absence of mind, no thinking, no doing, just being. I can do lots of things, can I just be though? Can I just be with someone or no one?
In high and low moods, perfect and imperfect conditions, can this web of presence remain intact? Is the lines of integrity strong enough to hold its form and shape. Not quite yet, my fuzzy eight legged friend.