It’s hard apologizing to other people. There’s fear they won’t forgive us, and the thought of the shame and regret I’d might have to live with would be enough for me to keep my mouth shut, but whenever I’ve opened my heart to someone, they’ve always opened theirs back, and those were both relieving and beautiful moments.
Its challenging to admit my mistakes, not so much because I have to let go of my thought of being right, but because I must see the person will full acceptance and love of exactly who they are, and who they are not. And its often when I refuse to see clearly in this way is when resentment, animosity and blame occurs and it never really goes away, even with time. It just gets tucked away in our back pocket, like useless items piling up in a garage. There’s just no space for new opportunities to arise. I wish I could just call 1-800-Got-Junk to do my dirty work for me in my relationships, but it just doesn’t work that way. I guess that’s what counselling or self-reflection is for.
For me, the experience of completing relationships has been humbling. Its cleared the skies of a clouded reality of myself and has brought to life relationships I’ve long forgotten. It’s slapped me across the face to see my imperfection and to show that to another person mades me feel vulnerable and naked, but there’s a visceral rawness in that opportunity that binds two people like Adam and Eve.
From the little knowledge that I have of Tantric philosophy, it is that I am in relationship to everything -whether I realize it or not. And if this is true, and I have left relationships with people or situations and even objects incomplete, then how can I be whole? I can’t say that I’m proud of everything that’s happened in my past, but bringing everything to full circle has opened space for an Amazing Grace and a wholeness in my relationship to self and others that I did not know was previously possible. To put into the empowering (and mawkishly sentimental) words of LF – The possibility I’m inventing for myself and my life is the possibility of committed relationship of intimacy and wholeness.
I have chosen to connect to you, because I want to be in relationship with you. I relate to you because we are no different. We love for laughter and we cry for suffering. I am in relationship to you, because, I am in relationship to you, and that is enough to love you.
There are thoughtful threads between us, and knotted clumps of fragmented fabric become a weaving wonder of pairing patterns to create the relationship I have with you, in which I call the tapestry of life.