Walking Hurriedly with my Cane

Are you feeling an intense pressure in the air, or is it just me who feels like my mind is wrapped up in a cocoon. This need to transform from the caterpillar to a butterfly can be exciting but overwhelming too. Ever watch those discovery channel videos where they fast forward the process of nature so you can see how it evolves? I want things to sort of happen like that, except I’m losing track of time in the process of that. Am I so fully engaged  with what I’m doing that time is irrelevant or am I so jumbled inside a tunnel that its difficult for me to see the light of day? It’s moving fast and coffee certainly doesn’t help.

I could say that all of this “transforming” comes from all the yoga and activities I’m engaged in. But I’m not the only one who’s going through personal change, transformation is occurring every where, globally and cosmically, all the time, beyond my knowing. Then perhaps this atmospheric pressure I feel is the change of weather I bring into my life, the thunder I give myself for perceived lack of performance and the lightening need to do absolutely everything.

The mala of doership has engulfed me in a storm that forces me to believe that “doing things” and “getting things done” is the key to success. Even the writings of this daily blog gives me both manageable stress and satisfaction. The fear of this self-inflicted hurricane is that certain forces or events in my life cannot be controlled and rest in doing nothing is required of me. Am I willing to completely surrender in full trust that amongst a whirling headwind follows a inherent calmness and peace? Am I better off looking myself in the eye of the hurricane, to be at my centre than to venture along the edges of frivolous chaos?

There is relief and refuge in the thought that no one is there to beat me down with a stick if I choose to do nothing I don’t ask of myself. The only beat is the rhythm of my own self expectations. Ya, I get it, you want to be perfect. I know this because this is the 3rd time you’ve edited this entry. You’re desire to be, if not the best, at least better is annoying and unnecessary. Trust me, you’re doing good, so chill out!

The caterpillar wants so badly to be its butterfly, but only time can tell when wings should flap. 


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